Logical Psychosis
by Dyslexic Angel
Summary: A disturbing theory about how the past affects the present.  Zexion finds answers he doesn't really like all char bashing, creations stories, slight Zemyx pairing.


Lexicon of Shadows; Personal Journal of Zexion formerly Ionez

Demyx and I have been talking much of late. What else is there to do, in an empty castle where even dreams are too dear to hold? Even the brief fire of our physical relationship means rather little in this empty place, to two empty bodies. Speaking with Demyx at least, is always interesting, though recently has begone to evoke the shadow of a feeling I believe to be discomfort. I believe the cause of that discomfort to be a theory that I am currently incapable of testing, but nonetheless seems increasingly likely. The simplest way to explain this theory, I believe, is to follow the logic by which I derived it, beginning with several personal accounts of just how the change from somebody to nobody affects the subject.

Account One; Axel, former name Ale or Alexander

Subject one describes his former self as being a rather weak person by most accounts. Ale was "Kind, noble, a real nice guy—just the kind of guy I hate." He was raised by a domoneering father and submissive mother on a low-tech world known as Avalon. Subject reports that his father did not aprove of Ale, and required him to become aggressive and confrotational for fear of being disowned. Axel also states that while Ale eventually got fairly good at being bad, he was no where near the master Axel is now. Accuracy of that last statement is unknown, and relevence is debatable.

Axel as he is currently demonstrates much of the usual lack of feeling common to nobodies. While his relationship with XIII was outwardly affectionate, evidence indicates that it was a sexual relationship based on mutual need for feeling. Emotional behavior is limited to aggressiveness and extreme upset at his current lack of a heart. Amongst nobodies, Axel does not apear to be exeptional in either emotional range or intensity.

Account Two; Larxene, former name UNKNOWN

All direct questions about the subject's past were met with evasions or off-color sugestions. No information about her human life is known.

In her current state, Larxen demonstrates anger, sexual frustration, ambition, and mild distress at her lack of heart. While more complex in her emotions, she demonstrates no particular distress at being unable to feel, merely at not being human. Reasons for this are unknown and possibly complex.

Account Three; Demyx, former name Myde

When questioned about his past, the subject responded with clear eagerness and curiosity as to what the information was for. After being informed that the data would be used in research towards synthetic hearts, subject was most forthcoming, and told the following history.

Myde was raised by the sea in a world known to most as Liad, the son of a trader's daughter and a rich fisherman. After being educated by his clan, Myde left to serve on a starship called "Ride the Luck" under the clan Chel'mara. He claims to have been widly liked and respected, a personable and charming person with many friends.

Throughought the interview, Demyx displayed virtually every common sign of falsifying information. Had this been a hostile interogation, this interviewer feels he would have most likely been questioned under torture. Demyx is further noted as a high security risk.

Demyx in his current state displays far more-- and more complex-- emotional response to his enviornment than any othe nobody currently present in the castle. He believes himself cabable of the full range of emotional response, as well as in possesion of a heart.

Noted as a security risk... we were lovers. Had either of us still been human, the phrase would have seemed frighteningly cold. In my present state, it evokes nothing more than mild discomfort. After carefull analisis of the above testimony, I have formulated the following theory.

Nobodies, having lost their heart, apear to retain all learned reactions in interpersonal relations. It is unknown wether said reactions are retained as habitual behavior or as actual emotion; as Ionez had no such learned behavior, there is no reliable evidence on which to base a conclusion.

I have said it clinically, in the dry way that seems to be my only voice in my present state. The thought bothers me that once I would have reacted with anger, fear, something—though I no longer remember what, or why. My present state is inhumanly emotionless, as I myself am inhuman. However, the logical conclusion of my theory is inescapable. Did we regain our hearts, Myde and Ionez would return to their former selves. It is highly likely that the romantic relationship currently present would survive in some form; and I find it far more likely that Myde would not be a safe person to assosciate with. Assuming the theory is true, which, given the evidence, it must be—Myde shows every sign of dissocial personality disorder, combined with a great deal of acting talent. For Demyx to pretend such a variaty of emotions, (indeed, I have seen him display every one save anger) the probable conclusion is that he possesed none of them.

He will eventually get his heart back. I work towards this task daily, as best I can, as do the rest of the Organization. However, for the first time, I begin to doubt our goal.

As people, we were universally weak. Ale because of his emotions, Myde through his personality disorder, Ionez destroyed through his own lust for knowlege. Now, we are strong, and as happy as it is possible to be under the circumstances. We want for nothing, save the one thing that destroyed us in the first place.

Were I capable, I believe I would laugh—or weep—at the irony of the situation.


End file.
